A Sword in God's Hand

My Granny died yesterday, unexpectedly, only weeks after her husband, my Grandaddy, passed away. I think of it more as passing through, as if crossing a river; from Jordan to the promised land, for those who call on Jesus for second life. I believe that this life gives way to another, more real life. Does the separation of losing loved ones to that other side still hurt? Yes. It hurts like hell, sometimes.

Experiencing loss in the past few years, my heart has found comfort in beauty, in the hope of heaven, in reading God's word, and the kindness of friends and family. I find beauty and comfort in words, as well. Writing or reading them, it doesn't matter; one expression, the other reception. I feel so clumsy with words, yet I don't care because I take such delight in them, as a child.

One such passage that brings a smile to my face and peace to my heart is the one below, by one of my most beloved authors, C.S. Lewis.

C.S. Lewis, grieving the death of his wife, Joy (H):

Praise is the mode of love which always has some element of joy in it. Praise in due order; of Him as the giver, of her as the gift. Don't we in praise somehow enjoy what we praise, however far we are from it? I must do more of this. I have lost the fruition I once had of H. And I am far, far away in the valley of my unlikeness, from the fruition which, if His mercies are infinite, I may some time have of God. But by praising I can still, in some degree, enjoy her, and already, in some degree, enjoy Him. Better than nothing.

     But perhaps I lack the gift. I see I've described H. as being like a sword. That's true as far as it goes. But utterly inadequate by itself, and misleading. I ought to have balanced it. I ought to have said, 'But also like a garden. Like a nest of gardens, wall within wall, hedge within hedge, more secret, more full of fragrant and fertile life, the further you entered.'

     And then, of her, and of every created thing I praise, I should say, 'In some way, in its unique way, like Him who made it.'

     Thus up from the garden to the Gardener, from the sword to the Smith. To the life-giving Life and the Beauty that makes beautiful.

     'She is in God's hands.' That gains a new energy when I think of her as a sword. Perhaps the earthly life I shared with her was only part of the tempering. Now perhaps He grasps the hilt; weighs the new weapon; makes lightnings with it in the air. 'A right Jerusalem blade.'

   ~ From A Grief Observed

I love you, Granny. Grandaddy too. I look forward with joy to our reunion. Nothing can keep us apart. 

Redeeming the Time

The following "journal entry" may make you laugh! For those of you who know me, it may sound like it came out of the distant past. (The memories of my long-ago adventures as "The Bride of Frankenstein," I am glad, now give hubby a good chuckle! And me too. But that story will have to wait for another day.) 

The opening contains book excerpts which I found to be interesting. 

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"Now, please understand that I am not against reading the newspapers or watching television for that matter. But I want to encourage you to start your day with Jesus instead, practicing His presence, acknowledging Him, committing your plans to Him and trusting Him for His unmerited favor, wisdom and strength for the day... 

The thing about such discussions (debates on the news, etc.)... is that it's supposed to present two sides - one good and the other bad. No real solution or resolution is actually offered. Sometime after watching that program, I realized that I had unknowingly been feeding on the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That's all I got from watching such programs - more knowledge of what was good and what was evil, but this knowledge did nothing for me. 

On the other hand, when we feed on the person of Jesus, who is the tree of life, we find that His wisdom, understanding, peace, joy and unmerited favor will flow in our lives! 

...it is far more powerful to be full of Jesus than to be full of worldly knowledge..."

- Joseph Prince, Unmerited Favor

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So, in reference to the quotes on fellowship with Jesus leading to success... My heart has been getting reminders to prepare myself, be ready to be used of Him, and my Abba Father will use me. 

Exhibit A: OakFest 2010

It was so awesome on Saturday, because I volunteered for OakFest (Okeechobee, FL) desiring to give time to God and also to be around music, even if not performing. So I got there not knowing what I would be assigned to do. (I was a "floater," eh!) But I came prepared to do anything, be it cleaning toilets or selling cookies with Grandma & co. (Grandma is awesome, by the way! She's our pastor's mommy-in-law.) Now Grandma happened to be loaded with ladies helping her, and Sandy (our pastor's wife) sent me outside to see if William, the concert coordinator, needed anything. So he asked me to set up his band's merch table. Done. 

I told him I'd be around if he needed me. I spotted John (our pastor), and asked if he needed anything, but he calmed my "busy" spirit and said that we were just waiting for the crowds. But... he said I could go get a couple of people to work DecembeRadio's table, as at least two volunteers were needed there. How cool is that? I got to run the merch table for the headlining band, the table which happened to be right beside the stage, so I could observe all the bands throughout the day. I couldn't have chosen a better job! 

Besides getting to know some of the volunteers, and meeting people from some other bands (I thought the Broken did a good job, and also happened to be nice. Rob reminded me of my brother, so that didn't hurt them in my book either!) I also got to meet the guys from DecembeRadio. They trained me on the merch, credit card machine, and how to finalize the form for Compassion International. I got to talk to all the band members, their roadie, even Frank the bus driver! (Who is awesome, by the way. He prays for the band every night. I told him if I ever go on tour, I'm calling him.) At the end of the day one of the volunteers was way too forward but effective in asking if we could get a tour of the bus! 

But what?! This sounds like a journal entry from my youth! Band encounters and tours! Ha. I tell you, Lord, I was truly honored with what I consider to be the coolest job of OakFest. And I know it was You! Thank You so much for that experience, and putting me in the middle of where I would've hoped to be! You are so good to me. And You are so good. And I saw a little yellow butterfly when I was driving to Freedom Ranch (which has a special meaning to me). I know I have been robbed by death of all this time I would've been "mothering," but I know Jesus, that you will restore double for what death took away. You will redeem the time, and bless me with other blessings, like learning to cook new and different meals, or getting to be involved in music somehow... these are gifts from You, from heaven... Like the little yellow butterfly hanging out on the patio while Jaime and I wrote our first song together. 

So Jesus, here's my "faith experiment": I will prepare myself, and believe that You will put me where You want me. Like Esther prepared herself for the task of pleading for the life of a nation. And You were with her! I wonder if she had a plan, or if the banquet idea divinely came to her, as she stood, waiting for the king to extend favor or death to her. I want to be that brave. I want to boldly come before Your throne of GRACE tailored to me! Thank you, Jesus, for being with me, and giving me Your shalom. Your grace - unmerited favor. Your love. Your fruit of Your Spirit, the Helper! You are awesome and beautiful. I love you. 

xo, 

Noelle 

Princess Tiger Lily

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